Top 10 Things Bartenders Won't Tell You

or

Stuff You Need to Know From Behind The Bar

Number 10

If I am out of what you drink and you've have had a few drinks already. I'll just make your drink with the next closest thing. So Seagram's V.O. becomes Seagram's 7 and Absolute become Smirnoff. You won't know the difference...no, you won't.

Number 9

Lemons and Limes are usually a few days old, especially if it's Mon or Tues. Also, just about every bartender and person on the waite staff has touched them. If you get a drink just skip on the fruit. This also goes for the olives, those have probably been sitting around for over a week at a slow bar.

Number 8

You really should think twice about being an annoying drunk or a pretentious asshole while sitting at the bar. Especially to the person who is making your drink and serving the food if you ordered too. Just saying...ok.

Number 7

If a mistake is made and the wrong beer is opened, it gets put on ice until someone orders it. Don't be surprised if you end up drinking a pre opened beer that's been on ice for and hour or so.

Number 6

The smaller or less of a tip you decide to leave me, the less I am inclined to make a nice drink for you or even pay attention to your needs. Bartenders make most of their pay from tips. If you can't pay me for my work I don't see any reason to work for you.

Number 5

Ok, guys, we all know what girls are hanging out at the bar just to scam drinks off of you. Because you're really not as good looking as you think you are. Most of these girls are here every other week or so and they pull it off all the time.

Number 4

Also, ladies, we know which guys are just trying to get you drunk so they can get you home. We also know the last 5 girls he took out of here. So, that cute little line he tossed out at you that seemed so original is worse than a skipping CD.

Number 3

If you order shots chilled, the longer I can leave them on ice the better it is for my bar, since I use less liquor to make them. 8 shots of chilled vodka means I really only have to pour 6 shots in since the ice will melt. You still pay for 8 tho...thanks.

Number 2

Great looking women behind the bar don't want you hitting on them all night (see number 5) unless she is ignoring everyone else at the bar but you. Just leave her a nice tip and be thankful she talked to you. We all know that in the real world there isn't a chance in hell she would be talking to you. As an employee it's her job to be nice to you, don't mistake that for her wanting to jump in bed with you. She doesn't. As interesting as you think you are...you're not.

Number 1

Don't call me "Bub", "Pal", "Ace" or "Buddy" and don't call her "Sweetie", "Babe", "Honey" or "Toots" while waving money at us. As well as whistling, yelling, slamming glasses on the bar or any other such rude and childish behavior. Something like that will put you last on my list to get served. You can call me "Sir" and her "Miss" until you introduce yourself. If you are standing at my bar I know you are there so have a bit of patience.

This is my personal list you may have a few other things to add.

but that's...

Life in New England

Brrr it's cold out!

So here I am today, in New England with a snow storm. Turns out the weather men/women got it a bit wrong tho on how bad it was going to be. There was talk of like 12 to 18 inches and as of now we have about 4. Which is still enough to go out and clean up but no where's near the amount they had predicted. It began to occur to me that being a weather man/woman is one profession where you get to be on television and be completely wrong and not get fired over it. Sweet deal.

But, unlike most people, part of my job is to plow peoples driveways and clean sidewalks. So while out driving around in this bad weather I notice a few things. The first being the amount of people who, to the best of my knowledge, have no business being out when people are trying to actually work and clear the way for the following day. I mean rushing to the store for that loaf of bread or gallon of milk seems to me a bit crazy. To potentially risk your life and the life of another person for something you really don't need is just totally nuts. It's not like the storm is going to keep you in the house for weeks upon weeks. Generally it's just 1 day. You're telling me you can't wait one day for a few things at the store? On top of that, it's not like these people didn't have fair warning that a potentially large storm was coming. The news people have been "Drama-ing it up since Saturday" (that's for another blog...drama-ing, I know it's not a real word). The second thing I notice is the rate that people drive in bad weather. Alot of people and I mean ALOT, drive so fast I almost wish they would wreck that nice SUV they are cursing around in. But I am not wishing bodily harm on them or anyone else. But still, just because you have a huge SUV with 4 wheel drive does not give you the right to drive like a jack ass. Your car cannot stop and better than a regular car and it won't do anything special if you hit a patch of ice. In fact you have worse stopping power than a regular car because of the extra weight it takes to slow your vehicle down. So I wish people would get that into their heads and slow the frick down. We all know that some people just need to learn the hard way and hopefully it's not at my expense or that of another person.

That's it for now. I'm back out into the bad weather to fight the crazies and finish up for the day/night. I got my nice warm jacket, some great music and a nice hot cup of tea in me...let's go!

and that's Life in New England

Geoffrey D

Status Update

I've been pretty busy the last few weeks but I will post a few new things in the coming days. Just want to get a few things off my mind and out of my head. These things include people who post comments on various websites like local news ones or sport webpages. Also, going to touch on the canceled Slayer tour (boo!). Then maybe I will blog a little about false advertising that seems to be happening more and more.

I'm currently reading a book called "Eat this Not that". It's both scary and eye opening to some point. Some of the information I always knew but when you read it you just become more aware. If your curious about the food you eat pick this little gem up.

Not much else happening, it's just cold here but that's Life in New England.