Top 10 Things Bartenders Won't Tell You

or

Stuff You Need to Know From Behind The Bar

Number 10

If I am out of what you drink and you've have had a few drinks already. I'll just make your drink with the next closest thing. So Seagram's V.O. becomes Seagram's 7 and Absolute become Smirnoff. You won't know the difference...no, you won't.

Number 9

Lemons and Limes are usually a few days old, especially if it's Mon or Tues. Also, just about every bartender and person on the waite staff has touched them. If you get a drink just skip on the fruit. This also goes for the olives, those have probably been sitting around for over a week at a slow bar.

Number 8

You really should think twice about being an annoying drunk or a pretentious asshole while sitting at the bar. Especially to the person who is making your drink and serving the food if you ordered too. Just saying...ok.

Number 7

If a mistake is made and the wrong beer is opened, it gets put on ice until someone orders it. Don't be surprised if you end up drinking a pre opened beer that's been on ice for and hour or so.

Number 6

The smaller or less of a tip you decide to leave me, the less I am inclined to make a nice drink for you or even pay attention to your needs. Bartenders make most of their pay from tips. If you can't pay me for my work I don't see any reason to work for you.

Number 5

Ok, guys, we all know what girls are hanging out at the bar just to scam drinks off of you. Because you're really not as good looking as you think you are. Most of these girls are here every other week or so and they pull it off all the time.

Number 4

Also, ladies, we know which guys are just trying to get you drunk so they can get you home. We also know the last 5 girls he took out of here. So, that cute little line he tossed out at you that seemed so original is worse than a skipping CD.

Number 3

If you order shots chilled, the longer I can leave them on ice the better it is for my bar, since I use less liquor to make them. 8 shots of chilled vodka means I really only have to pour 6 shots in since the ice will melt. You still pay for 8 tho...thanks.

Number 2

Great looking women behind the bar don't want you hitting on them all night (see number 5) unless she is ignoring everyone else at the bar but you. Just leave her a nice tip and be thankful she talked to you. We all know that in the real world there isn't a chance in hell she would be talking to you. As an employee it's her job to be nice to you, don't mistake that for her wanting to jump in bed with you. She doesn't. As interesting as you think you are...you're not.

Number 1

Don't call me "Bub", "Pal", "Ace" or "Buddy" and don't call her "Sweetie", "Babe", "Honey" or "Toots" while waving money at us. As well as whistling, yelling, slamming glasses on the bar or any other such rude and childish behavior. Something like that will put you last on my list to get served. You can call me "Sir" and her "Miss" until you introduce yourself. If you are standing at my bar I know you are there so have a bit of patience.

This is my personal list you may have a few other things to add.

but that's...

Life in New England